King Nut? King What?

Okay, so recently, peanut butter has started murdering people… again. Why you ask? Well you didn’t ask, but really, I’m sure you’re reading this wondering why peanut butter is such a psycho bitch. Well I would imagine its filled with delicouscy salmonella goodness. Not all peanut butter of course, just jars of rich and nutritious King Nut peanut butter.

I live in a town with a JIF factory, and thus, its comes cheap and plentiful. I’ve eaten more JIF peanut butter than a man can honestly say doesn’t make him gay for JIF… but I’m not. That got weird. However! After learning all of this about the delicous tragedy I tried to track down a picture of a jar of King Nut peanuty goodness. I had never seen one.

You know what?


I tried a patented Google image search for King Nut peanut butter. Hoping that trawling through the many images might yield a glimpse of that most regal of butters. It would appear the king doesn’t like to be photographed. Much like the Liechtenstein royal family


Not Peanut Butter

However,  it doesn’t seem to come in jars. It comes in tubs, which may have alerted other more fortunate people not to buy it. I just like to hearken back to a day when nothing gave you salmonella but chicken. Now we must fear our produce, our monarchies?!

The recall was voluntary, so kudos to them, I respect any company willing to take a hit on public relations for a good move toward policy. It’s an awful tragedy for a few people out there, but the recall will save lives. I’ll put out an A.P.B. for all the peanute butter that may or may not look like this:

watch out!

Watch out!

Man, its just terrible. Really, I looked to find A SINGLE picture of a package of any sort, all I found out is that the parent company also sells airline supplies, and bizzare assortment snacks. How am I supposed to watch out for something I can’t identify?! Package, jar, bag, bottle, or pippette?

I’m not gay for JIF!


2 responses to “King Nut? King What?

  1. I should have seen it coming. Peanut butter is way too sneaky. Somehow, although I can’t recall the last time I purchased a jar, there are no less than 4 jars of peanut butter in my apartment. It took your post about killer peanut butter for me to connect the dots, but it is now clear there is a peanut butter army buildup taking place in my cabinets. Without action, they will likely kill me in my sleep.

    Hmmm…how did my high school get information about the killing spree years in advance? They said we couldn’t eat peanut butter because the principal’s kid was allergic to it, but that had to have been some sort of CIA cover up. And its a good thing too. I watched people throw peanuts at that kid.

  2. You want a picture of King Nut Peanut Butter.

    Here you go.

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