This is America, right?

Wow, so we need to worry about Soccer according to my brother Adam. How about I find a nice chart to explain how I feel on the subject of European football (fussball):

my interest

This is a chart of my interest… rates! CA-CHING!

Holy crap, someone has charted exactly how interested I was until I read about a sport invented by our mortal enemy. The Europeans. Well, even if they didn’t I don’t care. It’s a great sport, to think about academically. kicking and running, it’s practically an athletic bonanza. However I can’t help but notice whenever I watch it on television all the forwards and what-have-you’s look like their just aimlessly drifitng in and out of some athletic competition just by virtue of wearing some sort of kleats

GOAAAAALLL

GOAAAALLLL!

You know what I love to watch? Football, Baseball, Basketball, and on ocassion the Lumberjack Games. None of that is a lie, but if you want to re-read it and not think I’m a little touched, stop at basketball and pick back up————-> HERE.

These are manly sports (except for the WNBA?) that require less waiting, less kicking, much less running (if you play baseball…) and the best part of all: No Eurotrash, hipsters pretending they like soccer, hooligans, brigands, drunks, or Canadians. Just playing Canada, you’re alright.

Maybe someday if my brother decides to become a patriot, and not think about the infant league of footballers, he can think about the long standing and wonderous traditions of Football, or even better, the AMERICAN PAST TIME: Baseball. It doesn’t matter that we seem to be the only country besides Japan (GO HANSHIN TIGERS!) with a huge hard-on for this game. Or that soccer is the number one sport in the world. Screw that. I’m going to go get a giagantic plastic cup of beer, sit in a tiny fold up chiar, and watch millionaires swing a bat like a real American!

D'oh!

D’oh!

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One response to “This is America, right?

  1. You know what else you love to watch—gymnastics. Someone who hypothetically rearranged her plans for this weekend so she could take you to see a bunch of chicks jumping around (again) might be upset you forgot about that.

    Then again she probably wouldn’t be upset. She sounds too cool to engage in such nonsense.

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